Moving forward

Last week, my counselor said that she had determined that I am done with my sessions.  She thinks that I have successfully learned to deal with my parents’ separation–which was my goal for counseling.  I can say I definitely feel better about it, but I know that I still have a long way to go.

I don’t know how I am going to feel once I return home to NY to see another family living in the house my brother and I grew up in.  My parents had that house built and we moved in when I was 6, a year before my brother was born.  I kind of wish that when I was home for Christmas last year that I would have taken the time to properly take in my surroundings–just to savor what was there so I could remember it.

But, to tell you the truth, that house was in many ways no longer the house I grew up in anyway.  I hadn’t had a bedroom in that house since ’03, once I finally scored a grown up job (with benefits and everything!) in Connecticut.  My brother moved into my room and my grandfather moved into my parents’ house.  My parents started sleeping in separate rooms, so when I would return home for holidays or summer visits, I slept on the couch or the floor since there wasn’t a bed left for me.  Sometimes it was hard for me to deal with the fact that I just didn’t have a place there anymore.  I somehow didn’t fit.

A family with 3 kids–all boys, I think–will be moving into our home in January.  My mom is currently packing up the house.  Yesterday she called to ask me what things I wanted her to keep.  Apparently she came across a lot of items from my babyhood–items I didn’t even know she kept (she isn’t very sentimental.)  She still has the outfit I wore home from the hospital 31 years ago.  I would like to have that.  I may never use it for my own child, but it is would be nice to have a tangible reminder of how much I have grown and how far I have come.

In lots of ways, being over 1000 miles away from home has been a good thing for me–especially now.  I feel badly that I can’t physically be there for my parents, but I also know that if I was there things wouldn’t be any better.  The distance seems to add a sense of numbness to the whole situation.  Sometimes that is good.  Sometimes I feel like I should be feeling *more.*  After the initial shock of my parents’ decision, I mourned a little.  But just a little.  Now, for me, is more about figuring out how to support my parents emotionally at this time while not taking sides.  They both feel very differently about the separation and I want to be there for them without letting my opinions get in the way.

This Christmas will be very different for sure, but at least I now have my own little  family and the opportunity for all new traditions here at home in Florida.

Tags: adult child of divorce, counseling, distance, home, separation